This is kind of a complicated story but I’ll just get into it. I used to be in this controlling, kind of abusive relationship. When I finally broke it off a year ago, my ex started showing up places, trying to get me to take him back. Eventually, it developed into full-on stalking. He would show up at my work (and took to just waiting outside of it after he was banned), leave notes on my car when I was at the grocery store, leave all kinds of flowers outside my house and then stick angry notes on my door after he saw me throw them in the trash, wrote me all kinds of weird, obsessive emails and letters. I’ve had to change my phone number three times. The behavior escalated over time, and got scarier/more threatening. In one instance, he started a small fire in my driveway but the police couldn’t get enough evidence connecting him to it. It was after that instance that I put cameras in my yard (I previously only had them pointing at my doors).
I was horrified to learn that the police couldn’t do shit about any of this until my stalker actually was caught doing something illegal, like breaking into my house. At which point, I might already be dead. I decided I wasn’t spending the rest of my life waiting for the other shoe to drop, so I got a handgun and a concealed carry permit, took some self defense courses, and started doing strength training. I also looked into getting an attack dog, but after all the money I’d sunk into my other methods of protection, they were prohibitively expensive. So I went to my local animal shelter and got the scariest, meanest-looking dog I could find. This is where Thor comes in. He’s a 100 pound American Bulldog, looks like he’d rip your throat out on sight, but is basically a gigantic teddy bear. He loves every person he’s ever met, is incredibly sweet and gentle with my 4-year-old niece, enjoys other animals, and even loves the mailman. I just kind of accepted that he probably wouldn’t do anything to protect me from my stalker, but it didn’t matter that much because having such a huge dog made me so much more confident. I brought Thor everywhere I could, and was working on getting him trained enough to be an emotional support animal, so I could bring him inside places with me (I absolutely would not do this until he was trained well enough to not disrupt a regular service dog).
Last month, I woke up in the middle of the night to Thor whining. I was groggy and thought he had to go to the bathroom, so I got out of bed and opened the door. At that point, my house alarm went off and pretty soon after that, I was face-to-face with my stalker. I started screaming and went to run for my gun. Before I could do anything though, Thor ran across the room in full attack mode. The memory is really blurry for me, but there was blood all over my living room and I remember my stalker was eventually able to escape, at which point Thor chased him outside and then came back to me.
When the police showed up, they said Thor was a hero who’d probably saved my life. I don’t want to list what they found in my stalker’s car after they caught him (and I’m shaking a little as I type this) but I’m sure he was going to bring me somewhere and kill me. It looks like he’s going to prison for a long time though, so my nightmare is over. Pretty much everyone in my life thinks Thor is a hero, except my SIL. She and my brother have a 4 y/o (the one I mentioned above), and she says she doesn’t want Thor around her (the child) anymore. She says since Thor has “snapped” in the past, he could do it again, so he’s not safe to have around kids (We used to see each other a few times a week before she decided Thor was dangerous). The way she words this makes me really angry because Thor didn’t “snap”. He saw a stranger break into his home, heard his owner scream in terror, and reacted to defend me, himself, and his house. Nothing about that screams “dangerous around children” to me, unless my niece is also going to break into my house and threaten me.
This is also a very emotional issue for me because Thor isn’t just a dog to me. He’s my safe place, my hero, the one who protected me and kept me safe when no one else could. I’ve also gotten increasingly anxious since this happened, and I can’t go anywhere without Thor. I barely leave my house, pay to pick up my groceries from the store instead of going in because I know Thor isn’t allowed inside, and all my friends know that if Thor isn’t welcome in their house, I’m not coming either (although they’re perfectly welcome to come hang out at my house instead). I am really going through it, and am working with a therapist to overcome this (luckily my office is still fully remote but I need to be able to go back to work once we’re in person again). But I really really need my brother and SIL’s support. I think my SIL thinks I’m just pouting and that’s why I won’t just leave the dog home and come over without him. I don’t know how to explain to them that the fear hasn’t stopped just because my stalker is in jail. It’s actually a lot worse than it was before. I’ve already suggested they come over and I crate Thor, but that wasn’t good enough for her. What can I do to make her understand the situation better?
tl;dr My dog took down my stalker after he broke into my house. Now I have severe anxiety and am too afraid to be without him, but my SIL thinks he’s unsafe around my 4 y/o niece. I don’t know how to make them understand that I really am too afraid to go anywhere without him and not just trying to win an argument.
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