Men don't enjoy the "romance" genre because it doesn't look at all like romance to us. It looks like WORK.

I have a friend who is baffled why men don't enjoy movies or books in the "romance" genre. She says it's because men are often too insecure in themselves to feel like they can enjoy that sort of thing.

In my opinion, it's a lot more simple and upsetting. Where women look at romance novels and see love and caring, men look at them and see work.

To be fair, sometimes these movies and novels hide it pretty well. Maybe it starts with a happenstance encounter, a "meet cute." The relationship will progress - sometimes it will look like it's by accident. Loving glances are exchanged. Meaningful gestures of affection are performed. Eventually things reach a head and the characters begin ravishing each other, unable to keep their affection hidden any longer.

What most women will see is a guy who is empathetic and open and aboundingly loving.

What most men will see is a horrifying amount of work and luck. These novels and movies often treat the man as an almost omniscient entity. He does everything perfectly and knows exactly how to make someone swoon. He is expected to have boundless confidence (work), to continually push the relationship forward (work), to make gestures of affection (work), and to not want or need any affection in return (work).

Basically, romance is work and a lot of people have been sold the idea that it's simply a natural thing you do if you love your partner. It's only partially true - you do it because you love your partner, but it's work nonetheless.

But there's absolutely a reason I don't like romance movies - it's not because they are feelsy or goofy or anything. It's because when I look at them I know I'm expected to feel loved by making someone else feel loved, and that doesn't really feel like romance to me.

Edit: this is about UNEQUAL work. So many times the guy goes incredibly far out of his way to "woo" the girl, but the guy never is "wooed" back. It's often treated like the woman continuing to say yes and allowing herself to be wooed is an equal amount of reciprocation, and I feel as if it's not. Good relationships are about mutual affection and ideally it SHOULDN'T feel like work. But it's easy for affection to turn into work if it's unfairly distributed or never reciprocated. Guys deserve affection too, no?

Edit 2: to all the comments that suggest these movies show men "actually putting in the effort most women do in their relationships", I would advise you to take a load off in your next relationship and hold yourself to the standards these movies portray men.

submitted by /u/throwra_snipsnip to r/unpopularopinion
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