For some context, I have a serious medical condition that requires some pretty heavy medication. It does a lot of things, including destroy my sex drive, and knock me out for long periods of time. My husband and I were married before I was diagnosed, and he's supported my through diagnosis and treatment. He's a wonderful man.
We used to have a very active sex life, and it has been a considerable strain on our marriage that I never feel in the mood. I feel like a terrible wife in this regard, and I miss being able to do what we both enjoy.
To be clear, when I take my medication, I am dead to the world. You could blast a fire alarm next to me, and I wouldn't wake up. You could pick me up and toss me around, and I might not wake up.
Lately I've felt worse than normal. Really sick, dizzy, uncomfortable ect. I went to my doctor, scared I might be sick with COVID, and it turns out I'm pregnant. 5 weeks. But I haven't had sex with my husband in at least two months. Maybe more. I did not cheat on him. I was not assaulted by anyone, anywhere, that I know of. This was not immaculate conception.
I told my husband and he was surprised. It's probably a million in one chance I got pregnant, due to the medication I'm on, and my condition. He was shocked, then excited, and I was just so relieved he didn't accuse me of cheating that I didn't stop to consider why he didn't.
It's been a few days. I've been thinking about when I first started taking my medication. It was hard for him to adjust to me not wanting to have sex, and he used to joke that I could just lay there and watch tv while we do it. Or, and here's what makes me scared, he used to joke that he could just have sex with me while I'm sleeping, and that way I don't have to deal with it, and he can be satisfied. He's mentioned this a couple of times, but always lets it drop when I'm not okay with it.
I've started thinking about all the times I woke up in the morning and had uncomfortable pelvic pressure that usually only comes for me after I have sex--my husband likes to be rough and I don't really mind, we were always pretty wild in bed or adventurous. Or bruises I've had that I can't explain.
I confronted my husband about this. About me being scared he did this to me, and at the least why he wasn't surprised the dates don't match up. He was angry I would accuse him of something so horrible, and insists that I'm just misremembering the last time we had sex. The medication does play with my memory sometimes, but I remember the last time we had sex. I remember every time we have sex now because I don't enjoy it.
I don't want to panic. I don't want to talk myself into being convinced he's been having sex with me while I'm asleep, and I don't want to talk myself out of this possibility just to protect our marriage. But I'm terrified. This is the only possibility I can come up with. And if it's true, I don't know what to do. I've been heartbroken for a while over the idea that I wouldn't be able to have kids. Now I'm going to have a baby and I'm so, so happy. But what if this baby happened because of what my husband did?
TL;DR: I think my husband has been having sex with me while I'm asleep because of my low sex drive, and now we have a miracle baby that may be a byproduct of it.
EDIT: I just wanna say the response to this has been insane. Thank you so much to everyone. I'm really lost and I don't know what to think or do. I'm going to take some time to think about this, get additional information and resources depending on however this is going to go, and figure it out. Just to be clear, however, because there are too many responses to answer directly, NO, I have never given permission for my husband to have sex with me while I'm sleeping. YES, I have asked him if I have ever instigated something while asleep, sleep walked, sleep spoke, or did anything in my sleep related to sex, and he answered no we have NEVER had sex outside of a time when I was fully cognizant and aware of what's happening. And YES, I am keeping the baby regardless of what happened. If people are interested, I'll post an update when there is something to write. Again, thank you, thank you for all the support and opinions. They all matter.
[link] [comments]
No comments:
Post a Comment